Writing a eulogy is one of the hardest things you'll ever be asked to do. You're grieving. You're exhausted. And you need to find words that honour someone who meant everything to you.
This guide will help you through it. Take it one step at a time.
First, Give Yourself Permission
Permission to not be perfect. Permission to cry while you speak. Permission to take breaks while writing. Permission to ask for help.
There is no "right" eulogy. There is only your tribute, spoken from the heart.
Gathering Material
Before you write, collect. Reach out to family and friends and ask:
- •What's your favourite memory of them?
- •What did they teach you?
- •What made them laugh?
- •What were they most proud of?
- •How did they make you feel?
You don't have to use everything. But having these stories gives you material to choose from.
The Structure
A eulogy typically runs 5-10 minutes (750-1500 words). Here's a structure that works:
- •Opening — Who you are and your relationship to the person
- •Biography — Brief overview of their life (not a complete timeline)
- •Character — What made them who they were
- •Stories — 2-3 specific memories that illustrate their character
- •Legacy — What they taught us / how they live on
- •Closing — Final farewell
What to Include
The best eulogies balance the universal and the specific. Include:
- •Their quirks and habits (the specific things only those close to them would know)
- •What they valued most
- •How they showed love
- •A funny moment (it's okay to laugh at a funeral)
- •What you'll miss most
What to Avoid
- •Turning it into a complete biography (focus on essence, not chronology)
- •Inside jokes that exclude most of the room
- •Controversial topics or family disputes
- •Clichés like "they're in a better place" (unless you genuinely believe this)
- •Making it about yourself
On the Day
- •Print your eulogy in large font (14pt+) — your hands may shake
- •Bring tissues and water
- •It's okay to pause and breathe
- •If you break down, take a moment — the audience understands
- •Have a backup reader if you want one
Remember: the audience isn't judging your performance. They're there to grieve alongside you and remember someone they loved.
A Final Thought
You were asked to give this eulogy because you mattered to this person, and they mattered to you. That relationship is what qualifies you — not your public speaking skills, not your way with words.
Speak from the heart. That's all anyone can ask.
Sample Opening Lines for Different Relationships
One of the hardest parts is knowing how to begin. Here are opening lines tailored to different relationships that you can adapt:
For a Parent
"My mother taught me everything I know about love — how to give it freely, how to accept it gracefully, and how to show it in the smallest everyday moments. The way she folded my dad's shirts. The way she left notes in our lunchboxes. The way she always answered the phone on the first ring, no matter what."
This works because it immediately establishes the relationship and uses specific, vivid details rather than abstract statements about love.
For a Spouse
"For thirty-two years, the first thing I heard every morning was his voice. And even now, when I wake up, I still listen for it. I think I always will."
This opening is intimate and honest. It doesn't try to summarise a whole life — it captures one small, devastating truth that everyone in the room will feel.
For a Friend
"I have a hundred stories about Alex, and at least half of them I'm not allowed to tell in public. So let me start with one I can: the time he drove three hours in a snowstorm to help me move a couch."
Humour and warmth in equal measure. The joke about untellable stories gets a gentle laugh, while the couch story immediately illustrates loyalty and generosity.
For a Sibling
"Growing up, my sister was the brave one. She climbed the tree first. She spoke up first. She left home first. And even at the end, she faced what was coming with more courage than anyone I've ever known."
The repetition of "first" creates a rhythm that carries the listener through a whole life in a few sentences. It paints a portrait of character through actions, not adjectives.