2nd Place, All Tokyo (held by Seikei University ESS)

Noriko Ban
Waseda University ESS

Once there lived a painter in France. He drew beautiful pictures with delicate strokes. But one day he caught a disease and unfortunately his precious right hand became numb. He cried, "Oh, it's hopeless. I can't draw anymore." Like this painter, we are sometimes disappointed because of physical or mental difficulties which prevent us from progressing. Then we say, "It's hopeless." But is that true? No, I don't think so.

Since childhood I have played the piano. I always thought, "Someday I want to play difficult pieces speedily and perfectly like Horovitz." With this hope I practiced hard every day. But two years ago my dream was suddenly broken. I got a crick in my left wrist and it never recovered. Since then my left hand fingers couldn't run speedily nor strongly on the keys as before. You may say, "It isn't a serious matter," because I can still move my hand. But to me it was really a shock. I thought, "I can't improve my skill anymore. It's hopeless." I quitted practicing and tried to forget the piano. But my disappointment never left my heart.

However, the old pianist, Vladimir Horovitz my ideal, changed such a stupid idea. Perhaps you also remember that he held a concert in Japan two years ago. Many Japanese fans, including myself of course, were looking forward to his wonderful technical performance. But to our surprise, his fingers were always trembling and he missed keys many times, he could not play speedily. But somehow I was much moved. I wondered, "I am a poor piano player, but I hesitated to play after my fingers failed. But even a great player like Horovitz continued to play with his fingers trembling. If I were in his place, I wouldn't play in public for shame. Why could he play with confidence?" My question was answered by Horovitz himself in an interview. He said, "My skill has rather failed, but thanks to that difficulty, I can now concentrate on expressing my sentiments more than before. I can find many styles of playing, because I really want to play."

"I want to play." These words struck my heart. I had forgotten the words "I want to" for a long time. I asked myself anew, "Why do I really play the piano? To play perfectly? No. To be applauded by others? No. Just because I want to play. The most important thing is my love for the piano. When I want to play, I should be honest. If I try to be honest, may I find another good way... Yes, I may."

When I was thinking this way, I came across the story, I told you before, about the painter. Now I'll continue his story. The painter was deeply troubled for a long time, but finally he noticed his love for painting getting deeper. Then he looked for and discovered a surprising new method. He tied a brush tightly to his right hand and painted new types of simple warm-hearted pictures that he loved. You also know him well. His name was Auguste Renoir. His example encouraged me very much.

Then as for me, why did I abandon playing? Because I thought that the former way which respected skill was my best and only way. So when it failed, I abandoned playing though I still wanted to play. But what I should have done was to find a new way which would be suitable for me then. This was my very new start with a fresh love for the piano.

After thinking this way I began to play the piano again. Then I noticed that my left hand fingers were playing more gently than before. That's my new world that I hadn't known. I felt as if a sudden light leads me in the darkness and became absorbed in expressing my heart with gentle touches. Now I've got my new pleasure.

Now ladies and gentlemen, we are apt to think that the one way we are enjoying now is our best and only way. So when we lose it, we are disappointed, saying, "It's hopeless." Then we sometimes abandon the words "I want to do it!" and give up our happiness. But what a pitiful idea it is! Because we can find many fascinating ways to do each thing. Moreover, when in trouble, we get a precious chance to ask ourselves, "What's the best way to make my own way?" So when you are disappointed, don't say "It's hopeless," like I did. Please respect what you have and make the new way more fascinating than the former one. Then our precious words "I want to do it!" can live again and we'll get new and deeper happiness doing the same thing.

Next Christmas Day I shall be on the stage at a piano concert playing in my new style. This will be my new debut. So please come and listen to my performance. You'll see me play with a smile, because my most precious words "I want to play" will bring deep pleasure to my heart.